My Life, Told as an Epic

God, she was beautiful. Those dark brown eyes, and legs a spider would kill for. I mean, if they had legs like hers, they wouldn't be half as disgusting. Or, maybe they'd be more disgusting. I don't know; anyway, let's stop talking about spiders, shall we?

In the year 2060, clockwork has come back in style. Don't ask me how it happened; it all started when some techno-rapper hopped on Mvtv (that's music virtual television, for those of you who've been living in a cave for the last, oh, thirty years). Right, so he hopped on with these goggles straight out of that federally outlawed video game, World of Warcraft and a transluscent watch the size of small pizza, its mechanical muscles clicking and ticking for all to see. Next thing you know, the kids think it's the best thing. And we all know fashion filters upwards. Can't have the old flappers wearing last year's fad.

Some rapper with a mechanical gong around his neck makes biillions of dollars; and here I am in my best suit, sand shaking in my shoe, stuck on this endless length of beach and waiting for the police to find me and probably gun me down. All because of her. You know, if I don't have to go on much longer, I might even say that the betrayal was worth it.

You know, maybe I should start from the beginning.

Instruction is the interpretation of symbols and jargon.

Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives, I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
-Winston Churchill

If you're my friend, you will totally link people to The Artificial Heart's myspace page. Because Rory is super awesome; and I love this band.

Barack Obama has convinced Arabs and Iranians he will put Israel's interests first if he becomes U.S. president, after a Middle East tour that ended on Thursday. ( Source )

Seriously, Obama, stop. Please, for the love of God. Not everyone and every thing can be 'first' on your agenda. While I'm certain that his rabid followers will cluck their tongue at this, since they neither wish to hear nor see the fact that Obama has already proved himself a waffling hypocrite, breaking campaign promises (although, I do applaud him on a well run campaign - it utilizes very well-executed cut-throat, traditional politics; and most of the flak never gets back to him - although the extreme media bias, perhaps the most unsettling aspect of this bit of history-in-the-making, is quite upsetting) and basically playing the game to win voters, rather than playing to his promises of politcal reform.

Where are the cries against the lobbyists in Washington now? (Especially since he's backed by several, currently.) What about voting to allow the media networks freedom from persecution for illegal invasions of privacy, despite promising to fight against it? What about the calls for unifying the political parties of Washington - only to turn around and lambast Republicans for their views? (Granted, so do I.)

Healthcare reform (a poorly planned healthcare reform, at that - a plan that would only end up giving more money to the Insurance industry while raising our taxes to take care of people who refuse to get insurance so they can save a buck, while we all pay more), ending the war in Iraq, the economy, alternative energy sources, political reform... and now Israel? Really? So... what's your actual agenda?

I'm sad; when I first heard you speak. Mr. Obama, I would have been proud to have you as President. But the more I hear about you, the more I see how you conduct your campaigns (let's face it, the democratic 'primary' was a farce - he was chosen by the old white man council of Party Leaders, not the people), the less faith I have in you. It's a shame that you're blackmailing people with false hope and racism.

Why do we have to choose between a senile and broken door mat, and a pathological promiser (aka, liar)?

• 1984
• The Art of War
• Plato's Republic (and the letters where he discusses Atlantis)

Any other suggestions?

No, roses won't do; they're just not good enough for you,
Not even if they're painted gold, and bred in platinum soil.

Give me a passion to burn for,
Give me a purpose to live for,
Give me a cause to die for.

I only bring it up because I feel it worth mentioning; I saw someone get into an accident last night which will likely result in the loss of two of their toes. Someone at work said, "At least it was their toes, and not their fingers or something worse."

To an extent, that's true.

I'm not really sure how to feel about it; after all, I wasn't just hearing about this - I was there. We were on a safety tour of the plant, believe it or not. At first I was really sad, then later on I used it as a talking point - for which I almost felt irreverent of the situation. And now, I'm trying to remind myself to be thankful that I still have all of my fingers, toes and haven't had my facial features marred by a terrible accident.

Something to think about, I guess.

I get the feeling like I've used that topic starter before.

Well, to begin with - yesterday was terrible. All of the things that have been bothering me, combined with that terrible coffee and lack of sleep from Tuesday just completely overwhelmed me. I threw up three times in my mouth, had a migraine, felt sick and was just generally pissy. Really it was pretty much the culmination of the week. I really, really need to work on that whole 'optimism, glass is half full and I'm lucky compared to certain people' thing.

The server at work for the main App only has 1GB RAM. It's about 3-4 years old, and I always suck at figuring out what kind of RAM a machine uses. Which means that my best bet is to turn it off when no one is using it, take out the RAM, bring it down to Best Buy and find what they have. Also, I'm unsure if they're using two 512 MB sticks or one 1GB stick. I really, really hope it's just the one. But, we'll see. I may have to buy two 1 GB sticks. It's their money, in the end. (They probably should have 4GB, since it's used so often - but oh well.)

At least I defragged it recently.

I find myself in an odd place - I'm really burnt out on RPGs, but just about everything I do ends up coming back to them. Someone needs to help me find another hobby. Besides guitar playing.

Although, in regards to guitar - I've decided to go back to lessons in 2008. I mean, sure it's $146 / month that should go to loans and savings; but you only live once and I'd like to get better at it. So, we'll see! Plus, there will be a two month period where I'm house-sitting that I won't be able to go, too.

So, I'm at work and I threw up in my mouth about three times already. Talk about disgusting.

What else, what else. I'm just worn out in general; mornings are getting really difficult to 'deal with.' Maybe I just need to catch up on sleep during the long weekend.

On Tuesday, I ended up going to this concert-esque thing that I was invited to by a friend (who was performing). Of course, the only reason I went is probably because I am unreasonably attracted to said friend. The music itself was okay; the coffee I had kept me up until 4am thanks to a combination of what must have been an absurd caffeine content, an incredibly acidic 'base' (It was pretty strong) and something that inspires feverish hallucinations several hours after imbibing. All I really know for sure is that I ordered coffee, and ended up tossing, turning and totally out of it for hours while my stomach felt like it was ablaze on the inside. While not pleasant, it probably would've been useful if I had a reason to stay up all night because I could occasionally focus. But I needed sleep. And got very little.

It's probably sad that the coffee had a bigger impact on my life than both the concert and the girl.

Ahhhh, issues at work. I must attend. And barf on people.

I finally grabbed an icon (because I'm too uncool and can't make one myself). I got it from http://www.lilformers.com/goodavatars.php

After all, I'm a firm believer in credit where credit is due and all of that.

Last night I managed to finish the Time spells and got a pretty good look at Paradox. Sure, I did kind of skim it, but I tend on slowing things waaaay down in the first several sessions of Mage that I run (I've played before, so I have a decent handle on the rules, but not perfect). If I'm lucky, I'll finish Chapter 3 today.

Although, to be honest - I'm getting really, really sick of reading white wolf rule books. Which is strange. It's not that they're terribly written... it's more because I'm impatient.  To be honest, I think my favorite part of the books are generally the opening fictions. When I starting getting into the dry aspects of settings and rules (Sorry, but after having read the original Order entries about a thousand times, I just find them to be flawed and blaise.), it just seems like such a chore. Patience is a lesson I just can't seem to grasp, apparently.

So, today, I have already finished half of my coffee reserves. Talk about suck. Also, the fingers on my /right/ hand are feeling sore and swollen around the joints. Not good. I wish there was a healthier way of releasing pressure from joints than cracking them. Thing is, every time you crack them, they sort of 'malform,' apparently (according to my old guitar instructor). Oh well. Mind over matter and wrist stretches. Hardcore.

Meanwhile, I think there are only about ... ten? white wolf books left for me to buy. "Why do you say this, Phil?" Well, the simple answer is that I just don't seem to be /using/ all of the material presented. Sure, I'm torn between supporting a company and the authors who help make the field what it is and my wallet. But it seems like 'new editions' are right around the corner - and I've barely used what I have. "But Phil, you run games online and usually do so about three nights per week, not including the hours you spend going through emails, plotting things, etc.!" Yes, but that has been feeling more and more like I'm paying to do a chore - as opposed to having fun. I want to run more than just one WoD game - I want to feel like I've gotten several hundred (if not going into thousands) dollars worth of 'fun' and 'use' out of the books I've bought. Frankly, I don't get that feeling just yet. Ergo, I think I'm looking at like three more years worth of gaming with the materials I have (and, let's face it - I think one could certainly do that). So, I'm looking at what I will be running now and I'm not sure if they are going to be producing books that are useful for me. For instance, Banishers. I feel like I have a really, really good grasp on Banishers - do I really need a book on them? This has nothing to do with me bashing the authors, so much as, "Is it really worth ~$30 for the content?" I heard there will be some neat stuff within, but my mage game will not really center around banishers (at least, it doesn't look like it will). Will there be content for a broader application? I recall hearing BlackHatMatt saying something about how there will be some /nasty/ things for Banishers to do to mages, so maybe that will be worth it; but in general, I'll wait for reviews. And honestly, even though I will be running Reign of the Exarchs, and thus featuring a Seers-heavy chronicle, by the time a Seers book will have come out, I'll be running my own version anyway -> So how useful will it be to me? On the other hand, there are books like Asylum that I feel like I should get - I do not really understand the medical industry, but could definitely see how I could use that book just about in any game I run (or any game line), from new personality 'quirks' to just giving me a primer on how such areas work.

Not like it matters; I'll probably be reading what I have until Judgment Day.

Granted, I'm also just worried about cash in general these days. I need to save $6000 to buy the car I drive to work (I have about $1.6k), I have one loan left at $9.5K, and another that's just below $17k. On top of this, I'm making plans to move in to an apartment in Harvard Square around August. Which, honestly, is something that I'm kind of feeling like it could be a bad idea given the cost factor. After all, starting to save money early really helps a ton when interest is factored in. Plus, the commute is going to be terrible. But on the other hand - it's Harvard Square, and it could be the last year that I see some of my friends.

Also, I need a new catch phrase.

So, as part of my mental house cleaning, for some reason, I'm compelled to make a list of the gaming systems I have access to, currently.

• Advanced Dungeons & Dragons, 2e
• Dungeons & Dragons 3.5
• Cycle of Existence: 7/13
• Exalted
• Tri-Stat
• Witchcraft
• Legend of the Five Rings
• Demon: The Fallen
• New World of Darkness
• Changeling: The Dreaming
• Mage: The Awakening
• Promethean: The Created
• Vampire: The Requiem
• Werewolf: The Forsaken
• Second Sight
• Skinchangers

And yet, in the end... I feel like I'm still missing some. Hm.

So, self, I need to start figuring out what to do with my life. This current schedule just doesn't suit me. I want to go to grad school, I also want to maybe start up a small business - make some money on the side doing ...something. Hopefully finding something that I actually enjoy doing - a prospect that is daunting and elusive.

Part of me also wants to put an end to all the games I'm involved in (and I do plan on doing something along those lines) and starting up new ones. But I think that I should put that on the back burner, and try to branch out into other hobbies. I know for a fact that there are a ton of books on my desk that need to be read. And I do need to put more time into learning guitar. Joining a gym or martial arts program for fitness would also be nice. And maybe some other weekend distraction that I could engage in with others. But what? Not board games. Although I did want to start playing chess regularly... oh, I should cancel my WoW subscription. I don't think they need my money anymore, especially when I don't really play. Ever. I /should/ pick up an xbox live subscription though, to play with my friends. Plus, I need to figure out what to do with all my warhammerish minis. This isn't a permanent quitting from the hobby, but a hiatus, so I can come back to it with a new, refreshed, outlook.

That, and I'd like to have something else to talk about.

Of course, I still have some storylines to wrap up anyway. I know how people hate having those things just dangling there.

Corresponding changes in my life will including trying to spend less money, ergo, trying to save more money.

Humorous. I just had one of those, "Ah yes... work" moments. Because there are quite a few things (3 at the moment, off the top of my head) that I need to look into today. In fact, right now. Ergo, more musings at another time.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/04/03/school.sex.ap/index.html

This disturbs me. Should it?

These people are driving me insane. Seriously. This one woman CAN NEVER live with taking one extra second to do something. It drives me up a wall, because these people abuse the machines here and when they stop working (I wonder why!). And then they call me up five times in an hour... with the DUMBEST things like complaining how it is obviously not working - because they're trying to open PDF files with Excel.

An important part of life is learning from past mistakes - and I've made more than my fair share - especially in attempting to manage a venue. (Granted, I think that parts of the venue were broken to begin with.) I'm going to start a list here, and maybe explore them later on - hopefully I can take the lessons learned from (what really is a stupid) game and apply them to real life.

- Poorly managing Assistants / People Resources.
- Failure to identify 'Fun.'
- Time constraints that resulted in neglect.
- Failure to recognize the importance of 'choice & consequence' in a game like this (until it was too late, of course).
- Constantly using the same story threat, ad nauseum; this is not conducive to character development or fun - the game just becomes one of numbers.
-To go with the above - Death is not always the answer.

I really should. For something.

But, the only reason why I'm writing is to document a curious instance that occurred today.

I was watching Inspector Morse - what can I say, I'm enjoying mysteries; particularly British ones. I -did- solve the case, but it was based purely on circumstantial logic and more of an understanding of how these stories ('the cozy') work than on any particular clue-analysis. That bothered me the last time I caught a mystery; but this time I had the feeling like I was solving it by a quick analysis based almost entirely on previous mysteries I had seen... and I thought, how many of my other problem solving capabilities are trapped in this box? If all I am capable of is reviewing things through the lens of a matrix of past experiences, I can't really think of anything new, can I? It's troublesome, because I almost feel more like a machine than a creative entity.

Then again, constant storytelling is a brain drain on me. :-/

So the highlight of my day was, as always, practicing guitar from between noon and 3:30pm. I took some time in between to log in some of my characters into that chat RPG that eats up a good portion of my time, and I read City of the Damned again. Later tonight or early tomorrow morning, I'll revisit the last two chapters.

Last night I was actually hit with a bit of inspiration for a storyline, but I find it awkward now. Especially after having re-read City of the Damned. It's like there is so much of the Big Three dynamic that would be great to play out - but given how the player base is obsessed with winning, and the backlash I always receive when the side with the obvious disadvantage does something stupid and ends up getting crushed (again), it discourages me from playing that up. However, there is a tastey outside factor that I want to play up. And yet, I'm also very turned on by the thought of using hunters.

See, that's the problem with New Orleans - there are so many directions it could take, and that one could go with. Because of the game's affiliations, I feel like somehow I have to follow all of them up. What really pushed me into a fervor last night was the idea that I would be creating the storyline and driving change through it, like a real storyline. Ah well.

That's enough for now. If only I could think of things to say that I've learned from all of this... bleh. Night.